How Can I Tell You
by xana4
Summary: I've developed a thing for a brunette. She has mismatched eyes, wavy hair and curves to die for. And don't even get me started on her temper. M for future chapter
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: I was bored and came up with this. It will have more chapters and I promise I'll update as soon as I can. Reviews are love, dear readers. Enjoy ;-)**_

_**BTW, this is my story number 50 and my baby brother gave up on SpongeBob thanks to me (Dragon Ball Z is an obsession I can deal with just fine) so I'm pretty pleased with myself. **_

_**Sarah**_

Five years of partnership are, without question, a remarkable landmark.

Marty Deeks has been working for long enough to know not many partnerships last that long.

Hell, most _marriages _in LA don't last that long.

As he finishes his paperwork for the day he can't help but hope to, one day, celebrate five years of partnership with Kensi. He knows just how special that is.

That's why he doesn't really expect Sam to walk up to his desk and invite him to come and have dinner with them tonight. It's not like it is a weird request. They've all had dinner together many times before. But today is a special occasion and he is not sure he wants to sit there while they reminisce about old cases and stuff like that.

So he declines politely and starts gathering his things to leave.

But Sam seems to understand what he's thinking and tells him he's not going to be the only one there. The other agent tells him Kensi is going to.

And Deeks knows he just lost the only reason not to go.

He accepts Sam's offer and frowns when the other agent throws him Kensi's car keys.

"Are you aware that these are Kensi's leys? She will kill you for handing me these, you know?"

Sam rolls his eyes at him. "Kensi is already at the restaurant with Callen. They went ahead to get a table and I promised her I would find a way to get her car there."

Deeks frowns. "So she has no idea that I'm going to be the one driving her car?"

Sam shakes his head and grabs his bag. "No, so be careful. If you scratch it, she 'll have you head on a stick."

Deeks nods and both men walk to their respective cars (or Kensi's car in his case).

What Sam doesn't know is that his head is not what worries him.

He knows Kensi well enough to know that wouldn't be the body part she would aim for first. He's sees where she practices shooting a man.

He's simply not willing to take the risk.

He drives as carefully as possible and lets out a sigh of relief when the car is safely parked outside the restaurant. He's not a bad driver. In fact, he is a better driver than Kensi. He trusts himself when it comes to drive a car.

It's the LA mad-drivers he doesn't trust.

Sam parks next to him and they both start walking to the door.

"Five years is pretty remarkable."

Sam turns to him and shrugs. "Kensi and Callen have known each other for six. They just don't celebrate it because they were never technically partners."

Deeks nods, even though he didn't know that small piece of information. He knows Sam is trying not to make a big deal out of this when they all know it is but he lets it slide. He doesn't want the big guy to get in a bad mood even before dinner starts.

Kensi and Callen are already waiting for them at a nice table for four.

They eat, talk and have fun.

It's a good night and they celebrate the fact that Sam managed to put up with Callen's lone wolf ways and that Callen managed to put up with Sam's moods. They do it because they all know they are more than just a team.

They are a family.

That became obvious to Deeks only after a week of working with them. The mutual care there was something that couldn't be seen amongst simple co-workers. They are a family and he's proud to admit he's a part of that. He's the newest member of the family but still a member. They've accepted him quite quickly but his position was only further cemented the day he got Kensi out of a room full of explosives.

When they leave the restaurant, Sam and Callen invite them to go to a bar with them but Kensi declines and Deeks understands that's the part where they both leave the two partners alone. He follows Kensi to the cars in silence and it's only when she hugs Callen and Sam goodbye that he dares to speak.

"I didn't scratch it."

Kensi laughs and hands him her car keys. "Then you get to drive me home."

Deeks doesn't argue with her.

They both know that the two glasses of wine she had with her dinner wouldn't cloud her vision enough to unable her to drive. She's not a light-weight. So he chooses to see this as a sign that she trusts him. She trusts him enough to drive her home in her car.

There's something different about her tonight, about them.

And he knows he's pushing his luck but the night's still young and he doesn't feel like leaving her home right away.

She doesn't comment when he makes a right turn instead of the left one that would lead them to her house. She doesn't say a word when he parks outside his building and doesn't put up a fight because he didn't do as she told him.

Instead, she follows him out of the car and inside his house.

They both know this is dangerous territory but there's something about this specific night that makes them both throw caution at the wind. Seeing Callen and Sam celebrating five years of partnership made them think about a lot of things.

Kensi sits on his couch and he sits next to her, so close that their thighs are touching. She's the one who breaks the comfortable silence between them.

"You're my partner. I want to share personal things with you."

Deeks knows she's talking about what he told her in the victim's house. He meant it, despite his joking tone, and she knows that. Otherwise, she wouldn't bring that up right now.

Deeks rests his hand on her thigh, and she turns to him. It's a simple gesture, really. There's no hidden agenda behind it and he's not trying to seduce her. That would be wrong. He would never do that while they're having a serious conversation.

"You can tell me anything."

Kensi looks him in the eye and he's sure he stops breathing for a few seconds.

Her look is intense and her walls are not in place, for the first time. He can see everything she tries so hard to hide from everyone. He can see what she's feeling right now. He sees more than the fear and nervousness in her eyes.

He sees lust and it's exhilarating, to say the least.

But he doesn't say a word, doesn't move.

He just waits for her to say something.

Her voice is no louder than a whisper when she talks but they're so close that he hears her just fine. "I developed a thing for a blue-eyed surfer, recently."

Deeks finds himself leaning in towards her, their eyes still locked together.

He stops when he's so close to her lips that he can feel her breath against his own.

And when he speaks, he sees her eyes close, his closeness obviously affecting her. He would smirk but this is far too serious. This is a make it or break it situation and he sure as hell doesn't want to lose her.

He needs her like his next breath.

"That's okay. I have something to confess too."

She opens her eyes and the intensity of his blue ones staring right at her is almost more than what she can take. It takes all the strength she has in her not to push him to the couch and kiss him like there's no tomorrow. She still manages to talk, though, even if her voice is slightly shaky.

"And what is that?"

He smirks and she has to close her eyes once again because this is torture. Having him this close without feeling his lips against hers is too much.

"I've developed a thing for a brunette. She has mismatched eyes, wavy hair and curves to die for. And don't even get me started on her temper."

She opens her eyes, intending to give him a deathly glare, but he stops her with one single movement. He connects their lips and all thoughts leave both their minds.

Because they're both sure nothing has ever felt this good, this right.

He kisses her passionately, trying to show her with his lips what he has yet to say to her. She kisses him back and almost slaps him when he pulls back and says the words that infuriate her behind belief.

"We can't do this."

Kensi can't believe what she just heard.

Deeks, on the other hand, gets up from the couch because sitting that close to her doesn't seem like a good idea at this point.

"Why can't we do this?"

She's shocked and he understands why but he had to stop this before things got out of hand. "Kensi, we're partners."

She shakes her head. For someone who denied her feelings for so long, she's being awfully stubborn now. "There's no rule that says we can't be together."

He sighs. "Look, we just saw Sam and Callen celebrate five years of partnership. And we've never had that with anyone else before. That's why this is happening. Deep down, we just don't want to be alone right now."

When he looks into her eyes and sees that her walls are back in place, he almost runs back to the couch, takes her in his arms and tells her he doesn't mean a word of what he's saying. Because that's the truth. He doesn't mean a word of what he's saying and he has the feeling he's going to regret this pretty soon but he's afraid this Sam and Callen thing is clouding her judgment. He doesn't want her to wake up in the morning and realize this was a mistake. That's why he stands his ground, even when she breaks the silence once again.

"Is that why you kissed me? "

He can't, for the life of him, figure out why he nods but he does. And she gets up from the couch, walking to him until she's standing right in front of him.

"Good night, Marty." She kisses his cheek and leaves.

_Marty_

She actually called him Marty. By the time he realizes he just made the worst mistake of his life, her car is already gone and he knows going after her today wouldn't be good for any of them.

So he just allows a single tear to run down his cheek and lies on his couch, knowing he will need to make things better in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

They're in the middle of an operation and things are going well. They're a great team so it's not often that things go wrong.

Kensi is undercover, pretending to be Callen's wife. Callen has been undercover for the past week but he said he needed some help and the easiest one to send in was Kensi to pose as his wife. That alone is enough to leave Deeks restless. He knows Callen can take care of her but she's his partner. He likes to be the one to have her back.

Or maybe that's just because seeing her kiss Callen does things to him. For example, it makes him want to punch Callen.

Deeks is inside her car, parked across the street from the night club in which they are in. Sam is parked right behind him. Kensi has a microphone in her earing and Callen has a hidden camera on his jacket.

Things are going well. The bad guys don't seem suspicious about anything of what's going on.

Callen plays his part as the businessman that does anything for money and Kensi plays the part of the lovely wife that doesn't question her husband's decisions.

It's a part that doesn't suit her. She's more the kind of girl who would never accept someone's opinion just out of love. If she has something to say, she says it. But, for the sake of this operation, she ignores her basic instincts and plays along.

Only God knows how hard that must be for her.

So things are going well until all Hell breaks loose. They see a guy pressing his gun on Kensi's back and they hear Callen say the distress word.

Deeks and Sam are running inside the night club less than a minute later, the safety of their teammates worrying them. They burst inside; guns raised and ready to shoot.

They see the next few seconds in slow motion.

Or at least Deeks sees the next few seconds in slow motion.

The guy behind Kensi drops his gun and surrenders but they don't spot the guy on the second floor in time to stop him. Deeks launches himself forward but it's too late.

Kensi drops to the floor, a bullet in her chest and blood pouring out of it.

Deeks knows Callen and Sam will take care of the guy so he drops to his knees and tries as hard as he can to stop the bleeding, shouting that he needs and ambulance and receiving Eric's answer that it's on its way.

Her eyes are half-open and he feels her breath slowing down. He's losing her and he knows that. The bullet either hit one of her lungs or it's straight in her heart. Either way, it's bad.

Deeks is well aware that chances are she's not going to make it.

He feels a tear making its way down his cheek and kisses her forehead, still applying pressure on her open wound. And he tells her the words he should have told her a long time ago.

"I love you, princess."

He feels her heart stopping beneath his palm and her eyes close a second later.

He starts trying to keep her breathing and her heart beating but it's useless. He knows that but something inside of him doesn't allow him to stop.

He can't let her go.

Kensi is not just a co-worker. She's his partner.

But she's not just his partner. She's his friend.

Well, friend is not all she is either. She's his best friend.

No, that's not right either. She's all of the above and more. She's a co-worker, his partner, his friend, his best friend and the woman he loves.

How can he let go?

He's nothing without her and he should have told her that every single day instead of telling her that they couldn't be together.

He feels Sam's hand on his shoulders and it's only then that he allows himself to stop. He sees the crushed look on Sam's face, sees Callen crying for the first time since he met him and hears Nell sobbing through the earpiece.

But none of that matters because the love of his life just died and nothing will ever be the same.

He rips the earpiece out of his ear, unable to hear Nell sobbing like that and looks away from Sam and Callen.

He looks at her. She looks peaceful, something she never really was. There's a pain inside his chest that will never go away.

The paramedics arrive and take her body. Callen and Sam leave the building but he just stands there, looking at her blood on the floor. It's too much.

Two days later, at her funeral, he can barely watch as they lower her casket to the ground. The only woman he ever loved will never be next to him again.

He'll have to live the rest of his life without her and he doesn't know how to.

He doesn't know if he wants to.

**X**

Deeks wakes up with a startle, a scream trapped somewhere in his throat.

He's covered in sweat, his heart is beating fast inside his chest and he's having trouble regulating his breathing. He looks to his side and notices that it's the middle of the night.

Tears of pure relief run down his cheeks when he realized it was just a nightmare. He didn't lose her.

But that thought is not enough to calm him down after such a horrible dream.

Deeks gets up and grabs a sweater, a pair of pants and some snickers. He's walking out of his house less than five minutes later, not even checking his appearance on the mirror and ignoring that fact that three in the morning is not an acceptable hour to knock on someone's door.

He doesn't care.

He needs to see her, make sure that she's breathing and that her heart is still beating strongly.

He needs to make sure that she knows how much she means to him.

**X**

**X**

**So, what do you think Kensi will do when he shows up at her door in the middle of the night?**

**Next chapter will be up as soon as possible.**

**Love,**

**Sarah**


	3. Chapter 3

All the lights in her house are turned off but he doesn't let that stop him. He's a man on a mission and the simple fact that she's asleep won't stop him.

Marty parks his car and almost runs to her door. As soon as he gets there, he considers either knocking or ringing the doorbell but he has the feeling that would make her wake up in a bad mood. So he walks to the back of the house and finds her spare key, hidden in a place no one would ever find it. The only reason he knows about it is because she forgot her key one day and he say her getting the spare one.

He opens her front door and walks in as slowly as possible, without making a sound. He was never one to pray but he begs she won't wake up and shoot him just for entering her house without her permission. He makes it to her bedroom without hitting anything on the way and without turning any light on. It's amazing that, despite the messiness in her house, he can still walk to her bedroom without hitting anything. He already knows this mess too well.

He enters her bedroom and takes his shoes off, along with his shirt. He's just about to remove his jeans when she stirs and he quickly talks before she resorts to grab her gun. "It's just me, Kensi."

He hears her move around and she ends up turning on the light of her nightstand. Her hair is tied up in a ponytail and she looks like someone who just woke up (because she actually just woke up) but she's still beautiful. And he's never been this relieved to see her alive and breathing. His nightmare felt too real.

She seems both sleepy and confused. "Deeks, what are you doing here?"

She doesn't ask him how he got in because she already knows that. Deeks sits on her bed and gives her a light smile. "I'm sorry I woke you up but I had a horrible nightmare and couldn't sleep without seeing you. I'll go now, if you want me to."

She surprises him by lying back down again and pulling the covers of the other side of the bed a bit, patting the space for him to lie down next to her. Deeks smiles and kisses her forehead before taking off his jeans and getting in bed next to her. It doesn't surprise him to find out that she's only wearing an over-sized shirt to sleep but it surprises him when she cuddles to him and wraps her bare legs around his.

She turns off the light as he wraps his arms around her waist to pull her as close to him as possible and she doesn't seem to mind. A few seconds of silence go by and he starts to think that maybe she's asleep but she breaks the silence.

"Do you want to talk about that dream? Some people say it helps."

He doesn't want to say it out loud so he settles for his interpretation of the dream. "It was about regrets."

Kensi does something completely out of character for her and kisses his chest in an attempt to comfort him and encourage him to go on. He rubs slow circles in her back while he thinks about what to tell her. There's something about this moment that makes him want to tell her every single thing. They're so close, their gestures so intimate, that he can't hold back the words.

"I lied to you a few hours ago. I kissed you because I'm falling for you. I only said it was because of the five years thing because I was afraid you would regret kissing me in the morning."

She surprises him once again by laughing softly. "I know, Marty."

He frowns but a part of him is actually happy to hear her say that. "Wait, you do?"

Kensi wraps her arms and her leg tighter around him before answering him. "I knew that you pushed me away for my benefit. And, trust me, I had every intention to drive to your house as soon as I woke up and kiss you senseless."

Deeks laughs and kisses the top of her head, the only part of her he can kiss right now. "I was afraid you didn't know that."

Kensi yawns and he realizes how tired she must be. "That's okay but you need to let me sleep now so I can have my way to you tomorrow morning."

Deeks kisses her head once again and they both fall asleep in a matter of seconds.

When he wakes up the next morning the first thing that registers in his brain is that he wasn't woken up by his alarm clock but that something definitely woke him up. And he understands just what it was a second after he opens his eyes. Pleasure rushes through him in waves and he looks down to see Kensi stroking his member up and down in gentle movements.

When she notices that he's awake, she winks at him and, before he can even think about what she's going to do, her lips are closing around the head of his very hard penis. The groan that escapes him is not something that embarrasses him because this feels too good. She can't fit him whole in her mouth so her hands close around the base of his member while her mouth works on the top. It doesn't take him long to reach a dangerously pleasurable level and the only thing he can do is grab her shoulders and pull her up, not trusting his voice enough to ask her to stop.

Kensi gives him a questioningly look but he connects their lips and she doesn't have the chance to say a word. She opens her mouth to allow his tongue to explore and he flips them over, getting on top of her. He doesn't miss the fact that he's naked (he'll never figure out how she managed to take his boxers off without waking him up) and that she's still wearing a shirt so he gets rid of the problem.

Her shirt lands on the floor and his mouth is sucking on one of her aching nipples only a second later. The glorious moans that are coming out of her mouth only make him work harder to pleasure her. After he pays equal attention to both nipples, his mouth starts traveling south but Kensi stops him by getting a hold of his locks.

"Marty, I need you. Please, I don't need any more foreplay."

He smirks and connects his lips with hers once again. He'll have time to taste her later. He doesn't know if he can hold on without being inside of her for much longer either, anyway. He distracts her with his kiss and his hand travels to her center, just to check if she's ready for him like she said she was. After finding her soaking wet and giving her clit a firm squeeze that leaves her trembling, Deeks pulls back and looks at her. They're both breathless and their minds clouded with arousal but he still has a very small part of his brain functioning.

"Do we need a condom?"

Kensi shakes her head and that's all the confirmation he needs. He's pushing inside of her a second later, gently and slowly. She's so warm, tight and wet that it takes all he has in him not to come right then. Still, he makes an effort and stops as soon as he's all the way in. Kensi has her eyes closed and he waits until she gets used to the feeling of having him inside of her before he starts moving. He kisses every inch of skin he can without moving too much, knowing that at this point he could hurt her by moving without her being ready. He kisses her lips, her face, her neck and her chest. It's only when she rocks her hips against his and lets out a moan that he receives the confirmation he was waiting for.

Deeks doesn't waste time. He starts thrusting into her, as slow and gentle as he can. But, pretty soon, that's not enough for her. Kensi begs him to go faster and harder and he can't say no to her. His hips speed up and it only takes her less than five minutes to let go. She lets out a loud moan with his name in there somewhere and throws her hair back, her back arching against his chest. The sight of her combined with the way her walls undulate around him and the way she screams his first name in pure bliss is more than what he can take. With two more thrusts, he follows her over the edge, her name on his lips too.

He doesn't know how long it takes them to get down from the high but is well aware that she holds him close to her chest the entire time, her legs wrapped around his waist to keep him close. When he finally has his breathing under control, he lifts his head and looks at her with a smile on his face. He kisses her sweetly, slowly and, when he pulls back, she has a satisfied look on her face.

"Good morning, princess."

She allows him to roll over and pull her to his chest. "Good morning, Marty."

And, just like that, they both know everything will be okay.


End file.
